System Failure: In Need of a Mental Reboot


I apologize for my silence. I simply couldn’t find the words.

I’ve written this post — or some version of it — several times over the past few weeks. I even wrote one today.

Each post was a variation on the same theme: I miss Anthony.


On my second date with Gus, who I’ve decided is really nice, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much fun I could be having…if Anthony was there instead. (Gus and I are still “talking” despite my complete lack of interest in him. I am a monster.)

When my friends counseled me to move on from “dip-shit” aka Anthony, I balked.

I hit up every happy hour, every night for two weeks straight without the Tito’s and ginger ales I consumed ever coming close to erasing him from my memory.

I miss everything about him: his smile; his laugh; the conversations we had about everything and nothing; his scent; even the callouses on his hands from hours spent climbing.


Of course, he has his many faults and I am not naive about that. But I consider myself a good judge of character. I don’t have many “friendship breakups” because I can easily smell disingenuousness several handshakes away. Anthony may have behaved like an ass post-breakup, but he definitely wasn’t one while we were together, and I know that’s not who he is as a person. That may seem like a distinction without a difference, but it’s not. We have all acted outside of our normal character for one reason or another. I can forgive him for that.

Now before you suggest I talk to him about my lingering feelings (yes, I know no one was actually going to suggest that), I did talk to him. It was during that conversation when I found out Anthony and his ex-wife (they are legally divorced) are trying to make it work “for the kids.” Plot twist!

Game. Over.

So that’s it. My dating dumpster fire is in full-rage mode and I am trying to escape only slightly singed. Please forgive me in advance for my hiatus from this blog while I try to fully excise Anthony from my mind and heart. The good news is I will have much more to share upon my return.

In the meantime, enjoy the realness of this GIF.

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